February 14, 2011 § Leave a comment
was listening to mamagena [sistergoddess.com] and what she had to say about making a list of desires and then wallowing in the joy of them and deeply feeling them as a means to manifestation … i’m with her on this. it’s possible … but it turns out i am blocked behind my “very righteous [wall of] disappointment” …
simple question, it was … ‘what do you desire?’
stopped me SO short that i have an existential whiplash. and … ouch!
so i listened to her free download again. i stopped it. went back. listened again. nodded sagely. i mused. i found annoyances [i’m not sure of all the seemingly gimmicky ‘sister goddess’ stuff … and how much i ‘rock’!!!! stuff. feels over the top for me and ignites the bullshit candle in my head … but this may have something to do with my very righteous disappointment :( not happy about that.]
i get it. i see where the great wall was built [i didn’t build it, exactly, but i helped it along by passively allowing it. by accepting every brick of thought pattern and word that bound the thoughts together]
the wall is merely a spell. one that can be broken. a wall as any other that can be dismantled and built into something else. so, what shall i build? not a fortress. i’ve already achieved that and that’s still a block. a bridge? perhaps … an open terrace for dancing? getting warmer …
i know, i’ll build a cobbled path on my mountaintop to a partially bordered garden and in this garden is lush greens and fragrant whites; pristine blues and delicate lacy pinks; hardy stalks and whispering trees for shade and shelter and rest … and it will always be ever expanding to make room for the medicinals and the fragrances … and the peace … a surround sound of breezes and bird song and the hush of running water in the distance … the fertile paradise spot of my desires …
ah. yes. SO much better.
my gift to myself today is staying in bed and writing in an unbridled manner about my desires and hugging pleasure to me like the sacred thing it is. two cats. quilts. sun. risotto and peaches … nag champa incense and a candle and me. just me.
please check out mamagena. she is a force of positive nature. not exactly my cup of tea [… too much sugar in it for me and i don’t take sugar in my tea … ;] but there is always something in everything that we can take away and use and i CERTAINLY love the way she owns ‘it’ … may we all grow to own the ‘it’ in ourselves :)